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SmallGroup... (about Daveka)



The CAMERA slowly pulls back and shows the different reactions of the men in the group. Nobody looks comfortable. The office is quite sparse, there are books on a bookcase, video tapes mixed in and posters on the walls depicting what people should feel like when they feel certain emotions. There is a small pillow on the floor with a box of tissue on it.

Some of the men look scared, high, fidgety, and some look like they don’t even want to be there.

The door to the office opens and a bald military looking man walks in with authority. He’s wearing a tie and is sizing the group up, very slowly.

GARY My name is Gary. We are going to start with feelings today. Feelings aren't defined as anger, happiness, sadness, being afraid, or ashamed. Resentments, depression, inadequacies, guilt, or anxiety. Is not what we’re going to talk about. For example, anger is better described as displeased or irritated. Look at the pictures on the wall to describe how you feel. There are a few ground rules, everyday we take turns reading from the thoughts from the day book. If somebody starts to cry, do not hand them the box of tissue. And if you feel somebody is bullshitting,throw the bullshit pillow at them. But, bou have to explain why they are bullshitting and listen to their answer. One more thing, there will be no physical contact, auguring is fine, but nobody touches anybody. Got it?

GARY POINTS AT THE PICTURES AT THE WALL AND SPEAKS. Do you see the expressions on these faces? That’s how we are going to describe how feel. Jonathan, can we start with you?

JOHNATHAN Um, well, I feel, sullen, withdrawn and frustrated.

GARY Why do you feel this way?

JOHNATHAN I don’t want to be here. I don’t have a problem and my wife made me come to save our married.

GARY David? How about you?

DAVID I feel pretty good. I’m excited to be here, and I’m looking forward to meeting new people. I am a little apprehensive though, I don’t know the types of folks I’m going to meet.

(WE need more input from the rest of the group here.)

GARY We will be keeping daily focused journals. This will help you consolidate what you learn in treatment and help you become aware of feelings you might be experiencing. This will also helps your me as your counselor be aware of what might be occurring within you. These daily journals will also help you rate how anxious, depressed, hopeful, accepting, and trusting you feel on a day to day basis. Resent, shame and guilt should also be discussed.

DREAM SEQUENCE I had a dream last night. All the men in the hall were in it. It seemed like a reality TV show where if we all stuck together were would win the prize (prize unknown.). In the dream, we were standing in a line and either disoriented or drugged to the point where we were conscience but incoherent, then the torture began. The goal was to endure as much pain that was inflicted for the groups sake. Each of us went through this, and since we were drugged, we did not know what we were saying through the torture. After the “event”, a video was played back to reveal to each of us what we said and did during the torture. The results revealed that we all folded under the pressure. There wasn’t a one that stuck it out for the team. We all relented. We collectively lost. I don’t know what this means, but I have a few ideas: 1. We are all selfish. We are not team players. 2. We are all posers - we are not part of a group. 3. We are all vulnerable and cannot fight the same thing. We’re losers at the cost of others to save our own asses.

I SPOKE WITH MY CHILDREN TONIGHT They said they missed me and that my birthday present was going to be late. This pushed me over the edge, not that I wouldn’t get their gift, but because I missed them terribly. This was my first birthday I would not spend with them. They said they wanted me to come home soon. They wanted me there for Christmas. I can only imaging how I will fell when my birthday present comes, Christmas passes, and my daughter’s tenth birthday passes. This is the most shitty thing I’ve had to deal with in my life to date. I wanted so bad to pack up my shit and get the fuck out of here, but I won’t - I’m going to stick this out. I will be a new and better Father. Did I make the right decision? At this point, I think not. I’m not going to go into the details of why or why not I came here, we all know why, we all know how fucked up I am. Enough of the self serving pity. This is where the fun begins.

ANOTHER DREAM I had another dream last night. I was working on a big project. I was building a house. I was at a critical point in the project that could not be disrupted w/o huge negative circumstances. My wife showed up and made it very clear to me that she did nod not to get back together. She admitted to me that she did not come up to the decision on her own, her family instructed her that I was not available enough to her. For some reason I felt compelled to put a hold on the house project. This mitigated the point that people were standing around doing nothing anyway. This was costing me thousands. I tried to convince her to stay. After much discussion, she agreed to come back.

Today, I realized that this program has less...